“ The father wound, which refers to father absenteeism, whether emotionally or both emotionally and physically, and/or your father being very critical, negative and even abusive character, can impact individuals and their future relationships in so many ways.
– Dr Mari Kovanen
The effect of a father wound is low self-esteem, a deep emotional pain inside and a performance orientation that makes us ‘doers’ rather than ‘beings’.
There is a wound/burden/responsibility/hole passed down from one generation of mothers to the next.
The mother wound, as Dr Oscar Serrallach describes it, is both ancient and modern, entwined in Western patriarchy and also a thought—in other words, a learned behaviour passed subconsciously, subtly from mother to daughter. “
We ALL have father and mother wound in varying degrees.
Acknowledging our wound is not blaming our parents/primary caregivers; rather it is paying attention to our inner-child.
Our caregivers used whatever awareness and experience they had at that particular stage of their lives.
How can a blind person help you cross a busy road?
Confession of our internal chaos with unadulterated honesty validates the inner-child’s despair.
I understand her (inner-child) psyche with compassionate kindness.
I bear witness to her distress.
The compassionate kindness unveils the intrinsic ‘bodhichitta’ sustaining all of us.
The holy fire of bodhichitta alchemizes the perceived delusional separateness of ‘I’ and ‘you’.
There’s nothing that cannot be healed by Bodhichitta's ‘unconditional infinite love’ for all that is.
Now, I hold my inner-child’s hand as both her father and mother.
I see her, I prioritize her, and I choose her.
I will not betray myself to be loved as per EXTERNAL rules, norms, expectations and conditions.
I will not betray my inner-child by reenacting my childhood dynamics.
I will relax, rejoice, explore, and do what I prefer for 'her' and me.
I am worthy of just being me.