“I don’t aspire to be a good man. I aspire to be a whole man.
The first lesson learnt early in infancy was –
‘It’s not ok/safe to be me.’
Denial of who we are, as we (mental/physical/spiritual) are, was a given.
Intimately we have been induced to become someone our parents/caregivers lacked in their own life.
We never had the choice to be our sacred selves!
We needed to fill up their blanks to get love/approval/security from the responsible caregivers/adults.
As a young child, depending on grown-ups for their basic needs, it is normal to feel anxious & alone.
Depending on the stable/unstable home environment, we put together a (secure/insecure) attachment style that helped deal with the looming lack of likelihood/logic.
We were powerless.
We felt vulnerable.
We appeared worthless.
We seemed overwhelmed.
We suffered deprivation.
We learnt shame.
We beheld enslavement.
We faced rejection.
We confronted failure.
We looked incomplete.
But somehow feeling ‘powerless’, ‘vulnerable’, ‘worthless’, ‘broken’, ‘deprived’, ‘enslaved’, 'rejected' was shamed & labelled ❌.
We had no choice but to repress the -ve labelled* emotions immediately.
To be a worthy wannabe, we’d to wangle love/approval/belonging from the grown-ups around us.
Why is being brave & strong honoured?
Why being vulnerable, sensitive, fragile is unacknowledged?
Why can't every feeling, no matter how uncomfortable, be revered?
Why is grieving locked away?
Why have we created this fake mask for existence?
Why we’re not willing to witness our worthlessness?
Why is ‘NOT being a man/woman’* looked down?
Why are we made to play roles that are NOT our choices?
Why can’t we be & let others be with their choices?
Why do we feel the need to referee roles of ourselves/others?
Why do we hate certain facets of ourselves/others?
Why are we alarmed by acts of ourselves/others?
Why did we 'shapeshift' to fit in other’s moulds?
* not being a man/woman: definitions & rules imposed by others NOT our perception
*-ve labelled: categorised as uncomfortable, painful, distressing emotions